What is Communication Communication? Master the Meta-Skill for Better Conversations

Okay, let's talk about something we all do constantly, yet often botch spectacularly: communication. More specifically, that phrase you might be scratching your head over right now – what is communication communication? Honestly, the first time I heard it, I thought it was a typo. Maybe someone stuttered while typing? But no, it’s actually pointing to something deeper, something kinda meta. It’s about the process of communicating about communication itself. Sounds a bit weird? Stick with me.

Think about the last time you had a massive misunderstanding. Maybe it was a text message read totally wrong, or an email that sparked an unintended office war. What usually happens next? Someone (hopefully!) says, "Hey, we need to talk about how we communicate." That moment? That's diving into communication communication. It’s stepping back from just exchanging messages and actually examining how we're exchanging them. Why does this matter? Because bad communication isn't just annoying; it costs businesses billions (seriously, look it up!), destroys relationships, and causes immense stress. Getting this "meta" layer right is crucial.

Getting Down to Brass Tacks: Defining the Beast

So, what exactly is communication communication? Let’s break it down simply:

• Level 1: The Basic Stuff: This is your everyday sending and receiving of messages. You talk, I listen (or pretend to). You email, I reply. Simple, right? This is just "communication".
• Level 2: The 'Talk About the Talk': This is where "communication communication" kicks in. It’s the conversation *about* those Level 1 interactions. It's asking questions like: "Was that email clear enough?" "Why do these meetings always go off track?" "Did you feel heard when I responded?" "What's the best way for us to discuss this sensitive topic?"

I remember working on a project once where deadlines kept slipping. We were all communicating *constantly* (Level 1 overload!), but nothing improved. Finally, we paused and had a dedicated meeting just to discuss how we were communicating. Turns out, crucial updates were buried in long Slack threads, decisions made in quick hallway chats weren't documented, and people were scared to voice concerns in big groups. That meeting to fix *how* we communicated was the communication communication. It saved the project.

Why Bother with This Meta-Stuff? (The Real-World Cost of Ignoring It)

Why is understanding what is communication communication so important? Let's ditch the theory and look at the concrete pain it prevents:

Seeing this? It's not fluffy theory. Ignoring communication communication means constantly battling these time-wasting, energy-draining problems.

Your Toolkit: How to Actually *Do* Communication Communication

Okay, you're convinced it matters. Now, how do you actually put "what is communication communication" into practice? It's about proactive strategies and fixing things when they break.

Setting the Stage: Proactive Moves

• Kickoff Conversations: Before any project, team formation, or even a big family holiday, dedicate time *specifically* to discuss communication. Ask:
  • "What's our main channel for urgent stuff?" (Slack, call, carrier pigeon?)
  • "How quickly do we expect responses?" (Set realistic expectations!)
  • "How will we make decisions and record them?" (Avoids the "I thought we decided..." nightmare)
  • "How do we prefer to give/receive feedback?" (Direct? Gentle? Written first?)
  (Seriously, this 20-minute chat saves hours later. Learned this the hard way after a disastrous group vacation planning debacle.)
• Define the 'Rules of Engagement':
  • Meeting protocols (agendas sent 24h prior? No laptops? Time limits per person?)
  • Email etiquette (Clear subject lines? Expected response time? Use of BCC?)
  • Conflict resolution pathways (Talk directly first? Escalate to whom?)
• Pick the Right Tools (And Agree How to Use Them):

  Tool Type	Good For	Bad For	Potential Pitfall Without 'Comm Comm'
  Slack/MS Teams (Instant Messaging)	Quick questions, rapid coordination, informal updates.	Complex discussions, formal decisions, sensitive topics.	Important info lost in chaotic channels; constant interruptions; notification overload.
  Email	Formal communication, documentation, longer updates, reaching external people.	Urgent matters, nuanced discussions, back-and-forth clarification.	Inbox overload; slow response times; misinterpreted tone; endless CC chains.
  Project Mgmt (Asana, Trello, Jira)	Tracking tasks, deadlines, progress, ownership, centralizing files.	Real-time discussion, brainstorming, complex relationship building.	Becoming just another place nobody checks; unclear how it integrates with chat/email.
  Video Calls (Zoom, Meet)	Complex discussions, brainstorming, relationship building (seeing faces!), presentations.	Quick updates (if overused), documenting decisions (unless recorded/minuted).	"Zoom fatigue"; meetings without purpose; lack of follow-up actions.
  Good Old Face-to-Face	Sensitive conversations, high-stakes negotiations, building deep rapport, complex problem-solving.	Documentation (unless notes taken), involving remote people, quick logistical updates.	Not happening enough, or happening without clear purpose; assumptions made that it was "communicated".

  The key? Discuss *when* to use each tool as a team/family. Don't just assume everyone knows!

When Things Go Sour: The Repair Shop

Despite best efforts, communication breaks down. That's human. The communication communication skill shines here – fixing the process.

• Call the Timeout: When tension is high or confusion reigns, literally say: "Okay, I think our communication is breaking down here. Can we pause and talk about *how* we're discussing this?" This takes courage but prevents escalation.
• Use Clarifying Phrases:
  • "Just to make sure I understand, you're saying... [paraphrase]. Is that right?"
  • "I feel like we might be talking past each other. Can we try rephrasing?"
  • "What's the core goal of this conversation right now?" (Realigns everyone)
• Schedule a Dedicated 'Process Check': If patterns of miscommunication emerge (e.g., recurring arguments about workload, constant email misses), schedule a separate short meeting solely to diagnose and fix the communication flow. Ask bluntly: "What's not working? How can we fix it?"
• Model Vulnerability: Admit when *your* communication was poor. "Hey, I realize my last email was abrupt. I was stressed about X, but that's not an excuse. What I meant was Y. Sorry." This opens the door for others to do the same.

Beyond the Basics: Tackling the Sneaky Stuff

What is communication communication really getting at? It's also about the invisible forces shaping our interactions.

Understanding Communication Styles (And Clashes)

People communicate differently. Some are direct, some are subtle. Some love detail, others want the big picture. These differences cause friction if not acknowledged.

• The Direct vs. Indirect: Direct folks can seem brash; indirect folks can seem vague. Solution? Direct communicators: soften with context ("I need to be direct here about X because of Y..."). Indirect communicators: practice stating the core ask/point more clearly upfront.
• The Detail-Oriented vs. The Big Picture: Detail people get frustrated by lack of specifics; big-picture folks get overwhelmed by minutiae. Agree on the *level* of detail needed for different situations upfront. "For this budget review, I need the detailed breakdown. For the status update in the meeting, just the top-line risks."
• The Thinker vs. The Feeler: Some focus purely on logic/data; others weigh emotional impact heavily. Valid! Acknowledge both aspects: "The data suggests X [Thinker], but I'm concerned about how Y team will react emotionally [Feeler]. How do we address both?"

Ever worked with someone whose emails always felt vaguely critical, but you couldn't pinpoint why? Or someone who never seemed to get your brilliant ideas? Chances are, it was a style clash, not a personality flaw. Talking about these styles openly (communication communication!) reduces misinterpretation.

The Culture Factor

Communication norms are deeply cultural – national, organizational, even family culture.

• Hierarchy: How freely can you speak to the boss? Is disagreement acceptable?
• Directness: Is "no" said directly, or hinted at?
• Context: Is the message mostly in the words (low-context cultures like US/Germany), or in the situation/relationship (high-context cultures like Japan/Middle East)?
• Time: Strict punctuality vs. fluid time? Linear agendas vs. circular discussions?

Assuming everyone communicates like you do is a recipe for disaster in our global world. Part of navigating what is communication communication involves asking: "Are our communication clashes coming from different cultural expectations?" Then, consciously bridge the gap. (Example: In a high-context team, explicitly state things a low-context member needs to hear. In a low-context team, high-context members might need to practice being more explicit).

The Tech Trap (& Triumph)

Technology enables communication but also distorts it massively. Ever had a text message totally misread?

• Tone Deafness: Email/Slack lacks vocal tone and body language. Sarcasm often bombs. Brief messages can seem rude. Solutions? Read messages aloud before sending. Use emojis *judiciously* to signal tone (but know your audience!). When in doubt, pick up the phone or walk over.
• The Async vs. Sync Battle: Async (email, Slack messages not expecting instant reply) is great for focus. Sync (calls, meetings) is great for complex issues. The problem? People misuse them. Don't Slack someone 10 times in 5 minutes expecting instant replies (that's sync expectation on async tool). Don't call a meeting for a simple update that could be an email (wasting sync time). Discuss team norms around response times for different tools and appropriate use cases. This is pure communication communication gold.
• Notification Overload: Constant pings destroy focus and increase stress. Agree on "focus hours" where non-urgent notifications are muted. Use statuses ("Deep Work until 3pm", "Out Sick"). Respect them!

Your Burning Questions on "What is Communication Communication?" Answered

Let's tackle some common questions head-on. These pop up again and again when people dig into this topic.

Isn't "communication communication" just jargon? Why not say "talking about talking"?

Fair point! "Talking about talking" is definitely the plain English version. The phrase "what is communication communication" often emerges when people search for more formal frameworks or academic perspectives after realizing "talking about talking" isn't getting them the deeper answers they need. It signals a desire for structured understanding and tools, not just casual chat.

How is this different from just "good communication skills"?

Good communication skills (active listening, clear speaking) are the foundation – the Level 1 stuff we mentioned right at the start. Communication communication is the next level: the conscious awareness and active management of the communication process itself. It's the difference between being a skilled driver (good comms) and being a skilled mechanic who can also diagnose why the car is making that weird noise and fix it (comm comm). You need both.

Can you give me a concrete example of fixing a breakdown using this?

Absolutely. Imagine a remote team. Projects are late. The designer feels micromanaged by constant Slack pings from the project manager. The PM feels the designer is unresponsive and misses subtle feedback in comments. Resentment builds.

The 'Comm Comm' Fix:

1. Schedule a dedicated video call (not Slack!) to discuss the *process*.
2. PM: "I notice I'm sending a lot of Slacks. I think it's because I'm anxious about deadlines and can't see your work progress easily. My constant pinging isn't helpful though, is it?"
3. Designer: "No, it breaks my focus. I see comments, but sometimes it's unclear what's urgent feedback vs. a suggestion. I prioritize the wrong things."
4. Jointly Agree:
   • Use project management tool (e.g., Figma comments, Asana tasks) for ALL specific feedback, tagged by priority (Critical, Suggestion, FYI). Slack only for quick logistical Qs needing < 15 min response.
   • PM gets view-only access to design files for progress checks without interrupting.
   • Bi-weekly 15-min sync purely for "How's the communication flow working?"

Does this apply to personal relationships, or just work?

Oh, it's *vital* for personal relationships! Ever had the same argument with a partner over and over? ("You never listen!" "You don't understand me!"). That's a communication pattern breakdown. Applying communication communication means stepping back during a calm moment and saying: "Hey, we keep getting stuck in this loop about chores. Can we talk about *how* we talk about it? What triggers us? What would a better conversation look like?" It transforms destructive arguments into collaborative problem-solving.

How do I start implementing this without seeming weird or nitpicky?

Timing and framing are key:

• Start Small & Positive: Don't launch into a full critique mid-crisis. Start proactively at the beginning of something (project, new team member) or after a small win. "That went well! What parts of how we communicated helped that?"
• Focus on the Process, Not the People: Say "Our meeting ran long because we didn't stick to the agenda" not "You guys talked too much." Frame it as improving the *system* for everyone's benefit.
• Ask Questions: Instead of declaring rules, ask: "What would make our project updates more efficient?" "How can we make sure everyone feels comfortable sharing concerns?"
• Lead by Example: Admit your own communication slip-ups and what you'll do differently. "I realize I sent that update late. Next time I'm blocked, I'll Slack earlier." People appreciate vulnerability.

It feels awkward at first, like any new skill. But the payoff in reduced frustration and increased effectiveness is huge.

Wrapping It Up: Communication as a Living System

So, what is communication communication? It’s recognizing that communication isn't just a tool we use; it's a complex, dynamic system that needs tending. It’s the conscious effort to step outside the river of our daily interactions, look at how the river is flowing, clear the blockages, and maybe even redirect it for smoother sailing. It’s the difference between just talking and building understanding.

Mastering this meta-layer isn't about becoming a therapist or a corporate jargon bot. It's about saving yourself time, reducing stress, building stronger relationships (professionally and personally), and actually getting things done effectively. It’s acknowledging that the *how* of our talking matters just as much as the *what*.

Think about one communication pain point in your life right now – that recurring friction at work, the family member you struggle to talk to, the project that feels chaotic. What would happen if you paused and applied a little communication communication? Ask the "how" question. Talk about the talk. You might be surprised how much smoother things can flow.